Let’s face it, losing weight is hard. And as someone who lost 45 pounds in 2009 you might expect me to know that from experience.
Except that I don’t. Not even a little bit.
When I lost the weight the last time (of which I have regained 25lbs) I didn’t do it the normal way. I didn’t eat well and exercise; in fact, for the most part, I did neither. I didn’t exercise much and barely ate at all.
I lost weight because I was too stressed to care about much else, my health and well being included.
I was thinner, but I certainly wasn’t healthier or better off. Not by a long shot. And no surprise that the weight slowly found it’s way back. Because a diet of Diet Coke, cigarettes and the occasional meal simply can’t be sustained. Nor would I ever want it to be. While it seemed so necessary at the time but it was just plain disgusting.
So here I sit, two years later, in a much better place emotionally but still looking to lose. Only this time I want to do it by eating nutritious food , working my butt off in the gym and by taking care of myself. I want to do it the normal way- the right way- and make sure that this time it sticks.
But the normal way is also the hard way. Or at least it seems that way when I am craving salty potato chips or Birthday Cake ice cream. Saying no to ice cream definitely makes it feel like the almost impossible way.
Well, at least until I realize that while losing weight and being healthy is hard so is eating whatever I want and skipping the gym because I’m feeling lazy and would rather sit on the sofa and watch Girls. Because those things, while practically effortless in the moment, hurt my physical, emotional and mental health and that hurt is hard-so, so, SO hard- to cope with.
In other words when I eat like shit, I feel like shit. There’s no other way around that.
Not to mention that stuffing my face with muffins is a short lived pleasure in exchange for a longer term regret.
Now that’s not to say that a muffin or a slice of pizza throws me into a self-loathing tailspin, nor should it. But days of eating greasy, salty, sugary garbage kind of sort of does because those decisions are fueled by many other things, but hunger or even satisfaction are not some of them.
So, it’s going to be hard. But it’s the hard that makes it worth it.
And the little things (that are actually big things) like a support system and a group of awesome people to work out with and keep me motivated, those are the things that make the hard less…well, hard.
Now I won’t pretend that I don’t want it to be easy; of course I do. But I recognize and accept that it will be difficult and challenging and at times I will want to quit. After all I have done the “I’m going to try to lose weight” thing a million times before.
This time is different. This time I’m not trying, I’m just doing.
I’m losing weight.
Hard or not, I’ve made my choice. And all the Birthday Cake ice cream in the world cannot, will not, hold me back